Frenemy

One thing you can do, is give your enemies credit for honesty. They make it quite clear that they don't like you, and they are consistent with their feelings. You know where you stand with them and easily keep your distance in order to avoid unnecessary drama. The lines have been clearly drawn.

However, the same can't always be said about your "friends." Not your friends, but your "friends" (note use of quotation marks). The ones who you think are on your side. The ones who are around during the good times, but disappear when times are rough. The ones who share your life story, but you know nothing about them. The ones who allow the truth to come out when it's late at night and they think no one is listening. The ones who tend to cause the most damage because they smile in your face and make you feel comfortable, but behind your back they are plotting your next struggle.

The only thing worse than having a frenemy, is being one.

Right Turn, Wrong Way

A few years ago I was driving down a familiar street, but was so distracted by the voices in my head that I started to make a right down a one way street. I knew the street wasn't where I was suppose to turn, but somehow I got confused and made the turn anyways. Luckily, I noticed the one way sign while still turning the steering and I was able to correct my mistake before an accident ensued.

Another time, my friend and I were leaving my house (which is on a one way street) when we were met at the corner by someone trying to make a turn into the block, to enter the parking lot. I proceeded to point to the one way sign, showing the driver that they were in fact in the wrong. Instead the driver got upset with my friend for not moving out of their way and allowing them to turn in to the block. I won't go into detail about the argument that took place between myself and the driver, but I never saw them again! :)

How many times has this happened to you? Maybe not while driving, but in your daily life. You make what you believe is a "right" turn, only to end up going the wrong way. It can be disheartening, depending on the situation. It can throw you off track and cause you to lose focus. Which may be a double whammy, if you were already listening to too many voices (like myself). 

But the wonderful thing about a one way street, is most times, at the end of the block there is an outlet. There is a way of escape and correction. We don't have to be stuck going the wrong way forever. There are opportunities for us to make corrections and get back on the right road. So don't worry too much, sometimes the "right" road is just ahead. 

Auto-correct

We've become so used to spell checks and auto-corrects
That we've forgotten how to self check and self correct our lives
Our conversations are filled with LOLs and SMHs, yet we keep straight faces

We've become so lost in the cyber universe 
That reality now appears to be a figment of our imagination
Days are lost scrolling through twitter posts and facebook pages
So much so that we forget the feel of real book pages

Technology was made to help our lives become easier
But it seems to be doing everything but making relationships easier

We've become so used to spell checks and auto-corrects
That we've forgotten how to self-chek and self-corectt

Haters Gonna Hate

In colloquial terms, a hater is someone who dislikes everything you do. No matter how great your intentions, or how much others appreciate or applaud your actions, these individuals will find a fault. And the problem is not that you have done anything wrong, they are simply incapable of having anything positive to say. 

Those of the haters-nation, who exhibit hateration are simply jealous. Their mouths can't utter kind words and their lips have a hard time forming a smile, causing them to spew hatred and demonstrate unkindness instead. Their words may hurt sometimes, but don't let that keep you down. Instead, pile up the negativity behind you. Like bricks in the hands of a mason, stack them one on top of another. If it gets too tall for you to reach, stand on a chair and keep building. One day you will have a wall of strength behind you, built by sweat, anger, tears. Not because you were weak, but because you were strong enough to turn the negatives into a positive.

Make it Happen

"It's not the right time."
"Everything isn't ready yet."
"It could work."
"I guess, but I'm not sure."

Have you ever used any of these lines? I know I have. Some people call them valid reasons, I call them cop-outs or excuses. 

The only way to get something done, is by doing it. The only thing an excuse is good for, is buying time. Anything that you feel is of worth, should be worth your time. Your dreams can only turn into goals when you start to put the work in. 

Today I encourage you to stop making excuses and start making it happen. An end result can only happen when something has been started.

Stay in the Race

For most, if not all NYS students, the beginning of the new school year starts some time this week. Private school students start today, with public school students returning later in the week. Today, myself, like many other teachers return for training, orientation and other work related duties.

With the beginning of every school year, comes a bit of anxiety. Whether it's the 4-year-old, who will be away from home for the first time, the 14-year-old who is starting the journey of high school or the 17 or 18-year-old looking forward to their senior year. There are many different emotions and expectations that arise around this time of year.

September is also a good time for goal setting. Choose a course and pledge to stick with it. The goal may be straight A's, joining some extra-curricular activities, or for educators - simply making it to the next holiday. Whatever your desire or occupation is this morning, I encourage you to Stay in the Race. 

Nothing that is worthwhile comes easily. You have to work for it. You may even have to cry some tears and bust a sweat. But know, that finishing the race always produces the sweetest reward.

Have a great day. 

Save Our Sons

Sunday morning I was listening to a radio talk show. The Black community leaders who did the show, had the NYC Police Commissioner on answering questions from the listeners. There was one comment that he made that really stuck out to me, regarding the recent shooting and killing of young unarmed Black men by the hands of law enforcement. He said, "If you don't want to be stopped by the cops, don't do anything illegal."

WHAT!??! Did he really just say that? Of course, that would seem like a fairly reasonable statement to make and practical advice to follow. But if you are a minority male living in NYC, LA, Ferguson, Chicago or basically anywhere in the US right now, that statement becomes null and void. We've all heard about the shootings of young Black men over the past month (Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Ezell Ford) and although I believe there are three sides to every story (yours, mine and the truth) the fact still remains that too many young souls are being buried.

It seems as though some police officers have nothing else to do, besides harass innocent people. But we don't make it any better for our communities, when we don't train our young men to be respectful of themselves. If we only criticize them, but never take the time to teach and model for them positive behavior, we are doing them a disservice.

The likelihood of my brother ever being stopped by the police, is much less than that of the students I work with. Not only because of where he lives, but also how he carries himself. Even when he has on basketball shorts and a t-shirt, nothing is sagging off of him. He doesn't look "threatening." This isn't to say that I agree with the stereotypes that are many times used, but sometimes we have to know the game of the hunter, in order to live and play another day.

Our young men are being victimized. We are losing them to cemeteries and prisons. Those of us that know better, need to do better. Talk is cheap, if there is no action to back it up. Let's do what we can to save our sons. If we don't do it, we have no right to complain.

Diet Soda and Gastric Bypass

Last night I watched a couple episodes of, "My 600-lb Life." This show chronicles a year of the life of individuals who weigh 600 lbs or more. These individuals have recognized that they have little to no quality of life and decide to make a difference by seeking help from a bariatric surgeon. In one episode, after her daily work out, a woman decides she is going to stop at a fast food restaurant for a diet soda. She had already had the surgery and had lost over 100 lbs, which showed great progress. She also knew the soda would affect her stomach, but she rationalized her action by saying, "I have to cheat on Dr. Now's diet every now and then, in order to make it work." Hmmm...

Even though we know the end result, how often do we try to tweek the formula to fit our needs? We know we shouldn't eat those fries, but one order of fries won't hurt us. We shouldn't go on that date, but they said they changed. We shouldn't answer that call, but maybe they don't want to gossip. We know what is required and what needs to be avoided in order for us to succeed, but instead of following the guidelines we make excuses. 

Of course, that woman made an excuse in order to have that soda, and when she went to the doctor for a weigh-in, she hadn't lost any weight. The doctor asked questions and found out about the diet soda. He followed up with a stern reprimand, then reminded her why she had started this journey, to which she agreed. She never had another drink of soda.

The road for doing right isn't easy, but it is worth it. The minute we stop making excuses and start doing what has been laid out for us, the easier our journey will become. 

What's to Come

As I sat here pondering what to write this Monday morning, a song popped into my head. The lyrics say, "What's to come is better than what's been." Quite fitting for the beginning of the work week.

Mondays tend to be a drag for individuals, as they have to return to the hustle and bustle of life after spending quality time alone and/or with loved ones. There may be some unfinished business that has to be completed, a project that has been extended beyond its due date or simply bills that need to be paid.

No matter what it is that today, this Monday, has in store for you, know that it is better than last Monday. How do I know that? Simple. You are here to see it. Whatever trials you had last week, they were not strong enough to kill you. They may have caused a setback, but they were also placed to  set you up for something better.

Or maybe last week was a good week for you. Then expect something better this week. Keep trusting, keep holding on and know that your future is brighter than your past. 

It Ends Today

Those were three of the last words spoken by Eric Garner before he died. The 43 year old Staten Island man, who lost his life while placed in a compromising position by officers of the NYPD. 

I'm sure Mr. Garner's intention with those words, was not to become a martyr for a cause. If you watched the video, you would see that he was simply expressing frustration for a situation he had been placed in time and time again. But his words and his story has now brought a bigger issue to the forefront. 

Too often we see things in our communities, churches, classrooms, playgrounds, facebook and families, but instead of doing something of the situation we just complain. We take no action or responsibility, yet we want to see a difference. No change will ever take place, if we don't make an effort to foster that change. 

"It ends today!" These can be your words against hunger, domestic violence, teen pregnancy, police brutality or simply a disagreement in your family. It's up to you to make the difference.

When All Alone You Stand

Standing alone doesn't necessarily mean that you are lonely. You can simply be in a place that allows you to see your surroundings through your own point of view. Where there are no distractions, no influencing thoughts by outsiders seeking your approval. Where you are your own coach, pushing forward and creating your picture.

As you stand on the edge of something old and something new, you realize YOU make the difference. You control your destiny and you should be the one to make it great. You may stand alone, because others think you are stupid or because you don't agree with an idea you disagree with. You stand alone, but you are not lonely. For the ideas, the power, the energy, the truth, the passion that swirls through your body reminds you that great minds sometimes struggle for understanding, but never for acceptance.

When all alone you stand, on the edge, at the beginning of something great, be sure the results show that you weren't lonely, just placing yourself in the line of action. 

Letting Go

I was determined to make it work. Though the relationship had become stagnant and more time was spent arguing than enjoying each others company, I still felt the need to hold on. I had decided to throw in the towel, because it wasn't worth the headache or heartache, but some friends told me I gave up too easily. So there I was, an entire year past the expiration date, trying to make something out of nothing. 

The relationship had become stale. Maybe, just maybe, if it had ended at the appropriate time, a friendship would have remained. If I had listened to the wiser counsel of others and walked away, precious time wouldn't have been wasted. A year of my life wouldn't have been spent trying to start a car that no longer had a viable battery. But you live and you learn.

Too often in life, we spend valuable time trying to jump start a car with a failing battery. Rather than evaluating the situation and making the necessary changes, we keep draining the little life that is left. Everything doesn't have to last forever. Sometimes people and situations have to be readjusted in our lives, in order for us to move forward. By holding on, we stagnate our own process.

Changing the battery may be an unexpected cost, but keeping it beyond its working date may bring problems to the entire vehicle.

Support Systems

Last week I took the train to Brooklyn. On the ride back home, a women entered the train with her elderly mother. The man next me offered them his seat, which they gladly accepted. As the woman helped her mother lower herself into the seat, the mom reached out and grabbed my hand for support. Of course the daughter was startled and told her mother not to do that. Being who I am, I told the daughter it wasn't a problem. As I then proceeded to grip the mother's hand and help her get into the seat. Once she was seated, the daughter turned to me and said, "Thank you."

I may never see that pair again, but I will always remember the action of the mother. She was in need of assistance and reached out to the closest "support" she could find - me. There will be times in our lives when people may reach out to us for support, not knowing who they are really reaching for. The best thing we can do, is grip their hands and help them get comfortable in their seats.

We must help while we can. As one day we may be the one looking for that hand of support.

One Good Thing About Music

One good thing about music... it truly knows no boundaries. It has the ability to transcend cultural, racial and political lines, in order to bring people together. One artist, who was able to achieve this through their music was Robert "Bob" Nesta Marley. 

Born on this date in 1945, Bob Marley turned Jamaica's reggae music into the world's music. During his career, he traveled throughout North America, Europe, Africa and Australia, introducing thousands to a sound that soothes soul and tickles the conscience. His music not only put Jamaica on the map, but brought more awareness to the Rastafarian movement. 

Although his life was cut short by sickness, his music continues to live. So, "Get up, Stand Up" and "Lively Up Yourself" on his birthday.

Remembering Dr. King

Today we observe the birthday of a man, who helped change the course of history for America. Some like to categorize him as the voice of African-Americans, but he was a man for all people who believed in “justice and liberty for all.” However, his heart had a special ache for those who resembled his brown complexion, as they shared battle stories in America - struggling for acceptance and the chance to progress in a nation that they called home, but referred to them as strangers.

Through his years of service as a minister, activist and civil rights leader, Dr. King made it his goal to educate people on the benefits of working together, loving each other and helping those in need. He knew the struggle that was ahead, but decided to press on. For if it was easy, it would not have been worth pursuing.

As we go through this day and come closer to February (Black History Month), remember the fight of those who came before and the path they have made. Continue to work with those who battle against you and encourage the ones who seem lost along the way. Bringing others to the top is more rewarding than going on your own.

The Shatter Zone

Sunday night I was watching TV when I heard a roll and crash come from the kitchen. Based upon the sound, I figured it was a piece of glassware that had fallen and broken. Upon entering the kitchen my assumption was confirmed, as broken glass was seen on the floor. I proceeded to sweep together the pieces from an area, I figured, covered the "shatter zone." About an hour later I again walked through the kitchen to the bathroom, and upon my return heard a cracking sound under my foot. Thankfully I had on some slippers, as I had just stepped on another piece of glass. This surprised me, as this piece of glass was way out of the "shatter zone," or so I thought. Then it hit me...

At times we do and/or say things to others, not always considering the full extent of our actions or words. We say, "it's not that serious or "what are you so upset about," forgetting that our feelings can not be used to measure the feelings of others. We all feel and act differently to situations. A West Indian adage says, "what is joke to you, is death to me." It is important that we remember this as we go through each day and during our interactions with friends and strangers alike.

Just like the broken glass, remember, not everything falls within the "shatter zone."